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I am living with my aunt and uncle in Maryland for the remainder of my internship. Scratch that. I am living with my aunt, uncle, and Maggie, their darling dog, for the remainder of my internship. And by "darling dog" I mean "hound from Hell." Outwardly, she seems to be an OK creature. She doesn't yap-yap-yap constantly, she doesn't jump on folks and lick them (I HATE BEING LICKED BY DOGS), and she only follows you around when you are eating beef jerky straight out of the bag (which is something I do often, but never mind).
 
But Maggie does not produce tears. Apparently this problem affects a lot of dogs of her breed (Westie). This means that she needs eye drops constantly. Maggie's eye drops are a major topic of conversation at my aunt and uncle's house, and I have recently been drafted into Maggie's Eye Drop Brigade. I have to clean the crusties from her eyes and hold her head still and deposit Visine into her eye balls. This must happen often. Fun, huh? WHO'S HUNGRY??? Anyway...the problem is that Maggie herself (and her strangely discolored fur) make MY eyes itch and burn like there's no effing tomorrow. Plus, she has fleas that bite my arms and legs in the night. Isn't that DISGUSTING???
 
DC's humidity makes me a hot mess anyway, what with a shiny complexion and hair that curls the moment I step outdoors. Add flea bites and eyes redder than a stoned Judd Apatow cast member to the mix, and you get the picture. NOT FUCKING ATTRACTIVE!
Ah, how I miss my little studio in Adams Morgan. Even though the kitchen was in the closet and the apartment hallways smelled of Pakistani cooking and Marlboro Reds.
 
Tonight I am going to take the train to Lexington, VA to visit relatives from my mom's side of the family. Apparently there is a lounge in said train. I would like wear my sunglasses indoors, Bono-style, to hide my poor allerg-eyes, and a scarf, Jackie-O style, on my head, and converse with be-handlebar'd tycoons and drink scotch and soda. In all likelihood this will not happen. If it's anything like my last train experience, I will sit behind a large group of obnoxious high-schoolers from Congress Heights discussing loudly their slutty friend who was recently involved in an "Eiffel Tower."
 
In other news, the office vending machine now contains Goldfish crackers.
It's the little things.

dee see

I have just realized I live in a very walking oriented city and own not one single pair of even remotely comfortable shoes. Eff fashion....I'm getting me some Z-Coils. And a Seg-way...possibly the gayest form of transportation ever.

Last night there was a dinner cruise for cousin Casey's proposal to his gf...she said  yes, of course. The ring was something Biggie himself would have been ashamed to wear...it's THAT huge and ostentatious. How Casey could afford it, I will never know. Mayhaps he's a drug lord in his spare time? Anyway...the champagne was flowing, and you haven't seen Sarah till you've seen drunk Sarah starting the congo line to the music of a fabulous dinner-cruise band. Yeaaaaah!

Also...there is not a single health problem that mary does not have or hasn't had in her life...she's like a walking Discovery Health Mystery Diagnoses.

Anyway. I need a frappuncino in a bottle like whoa...and I am going to the hirschorn.

Peaceout!

it's raining men

actually, it's just raining. Boooo! 

z0mg!!!!

I am pretty much completely obsessed with "The Incredible Hulk." I want to go see it again right now!

worst dream ever

Now, of all the years I've lived and all the bad dreams I've had -- which is actually a lot -- I have never actually woken up screaming. Well, last night I did. Twice.

I dreamed that I was at a barbecue in California somewhere and I needed to find Arthur Leigh Allen (guess I've been watching too many serial killer movies), who is probably the Zodiac killer. For some reason, I am with the actor Daniel Craig (he is helping me look for the dude). So he tells me he will follow me into the basemet, which has an entrance outside the house. So I go down a few steps and open the little trapdoor thing and expect to step onto another stairway, but instead I fall. I have never really had a falling dream in my life. I felt like I was falling forever. Somewhere in the dream I thought to myself, if you start screaming, you will wake up, so I did. Waking up to find yourself shrieking is absolutely terrifying.
So I got a glass of water and tried to read a magazine, but was too tired so I fell asleep again. The dream I had was like the sequel to the other dream, and about fifty times scarier. Somehow I ended up in this wierd geeky basement bedroom that looks like it would belong to, well, a serial killer who still lives with his mom. On one wall, there was a big bedsheet with hand painted red letters that said, "Welcome Home, Derek!" And since it was a dream, I knew that it was Derek Caterwaul, a noise music DJ for the UNM radio station. But it was also Daniel Craig -- or maybe he was just played by him -- AND also Arthur Leigh Allen (you know how dreams work). The room was super messy and dark, and then all of a sudden Daniel/Derek/Arthur Leigh tells me to sit very still and quiet while he hides behind a curtain that seperates the bathroom from the rest of the room. Then, a family comes in and sings happy birthday, and the dude comes out of the bathroom and opens a door in the floor and pushes me down it.
At first it feels like I am falling again for a while, and then it turns into this wierd slide thing with slats of wood every few feet, and piles of nails and screws. Once I get past those, I get stuck in a really tiny, tiny straight up-and-down tunnel, and then a bunch of tumbleweeds fall down after me so I can't see anything or breathe. I force myself to wake up to breathe (something that often happens in my nightmares) and do wake up, screaming bloody murder and crying.
This time, I make myself a cup of tea and turn on the television. It is already 9 a.m. and I do NOT want to risk going to sleep again. UGH

shtuff.

 - geekily fangirl'd out that Marion Ravenwood was in the new (slightly disappointing) Indy movie, even though the actress hasn't aged particularly well.
- finished a cute green-and-orange hat for Shane, very excited to send it to him tomorrow.
- going to the Outer Banks in the morning.
- went for a boat ride with cousins Brendhan and Bella today...saw a group of baby turtles relaxing in the sun
- sunburned from a day spent in the ocean at Emerald Isle.
- shocked that all my relatives drink DECAF COFFEE in the morning. wtf??? that's like drinking O'Doul's!
- ate at Dairy Queen (as in q-u-e-e-n??) for the first time in years today. This vacation better end soon because I am seriously gaining weight.
- Dad is making Mexican food and it smells gooooooood.
- I have a headache as per usual......I have been having them very often the past couple months, and I've never had headaches in my life. Hmm.
- I never want to wash another dish in my life.

vacation????

 I AM SICK OF VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vacationnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

I am in Virginia on my step-grandfather's computer.
Today I milked a goat, fed a lamb with a bottle, rode a ferris wheel for the first time, and won a goldfish in a game at a carnival. I also ate so much I feel sick. 
Today at a town barbeque a pair of men with really creepy beards and over alls were staring at me and pointing.
Tomorrow we are going to a safari park.

:(

i am leaving abq for the summer in 8 hours.
i have not eaten anything all day.
my feet hurt.
When you say you're seducing "everyone," what you really mean is you're incapable of seducing ANYONE.